Always as a young man I traveled alone,
And I would lose my way.
I felt I was rich if I made a friend,
No man by himself is happy.
My friend recently got in touch with an old high school sweetheart through a high school reunion. He is now in his mid - sixties as is she. Because she lives in California, I helped him to buy his first computer and showed him how to e - mail his new, old friend. He seems excited and happy for the first time in a long time, and I am very happy for him.
When we were talking about his unusual new circumstances he asked me if I had any regrets in my life. I think he expected me to say that I wished that I had re - married, or traveled more, or did more with my education, but after carefully thinking about it all I said to him was that I wished I had been a better person, especially when I was a young man.
You see I have spent most of my life selfishly doing anything and everything I wanted. After college and a brief marriage, I decided that a career was not for me. So I got an 8 - 5, Monday thru Friday job and spent my free time, hiking, climbing, kayaking, ballooning, traveling, playing softball, etc... etc.... But while doing all of this I left so many people out of my life. People who tried to know me I pushed away to climb a higher mountain, or hike the Appalachian Trail, or travel to some location here in the states. When I became bored with one endeavor I would leave behind those friends and make new ones in the next adventure I pursued. The strange thing is that at the time I didn't even notice. I was always too wrapped up in planning my next great project to notice or even care about anything else.
It wasn't until the Triad, and Freyja in particular, opened up my eyes and my heart, that I began to realize that although I was doing some spectacular things in my life I missed out on the best thing that the Gods and Goddesses give to us, each other. When Freyja opened up my heart, the pain and emptiness poured in like a flash flood. Finally, I woke up to the realization that there are more important things in life than goals, ventures, and fun, like relationships, and friendship.
Over the past few years I have tried to mend my life by opening up my life to others and showing them true friendship. Unfortunately I am an old man now and can never go back and make amends to all those I left out of my life, or hurt. I know that I did not mean to hurt anyone, but that does not change the reality of what happened. I just had a very narrow, and selfish outlook on life.
There is a great line from Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol , Jacob Marley says to Ebeneezer Scrooge, " Mankind should have been my business." Damn straight ! I wish I had had a Jacob Marley early on in my life. I think we all wake up to this reality at some point in our lives. Mine just came a little late.
To my friend and his new - old girl friend, I wish the best of luck and hope that their e - mails lead them to where their hearts want to go. To all of you I say that no pursuit, no goal, no mountain top, is worth more than a friend, or a relationship. A goal once reached is over, a friendship can last a lifetime. Open your heart to others early in life and never close it for any reason !
Grief consumes the heart that must take care
to keep itself concealed.
The Lay of Loddfafnir
Go with Odin's wisdom, Freyja's love and Thor's protection !