40 years ago I was an Atheist who wanted nothing to do with religion. 30 years ago I was an Agnostic who just did not care. 20 years ago I was having an internal struggle with myself trying to keep out the Gods. And since then I have been slowly consumed by our Gods, and a religion that I wanted nothing to do with.
I have realized lately that I no longer control my life. Well, at least not completely. A good example happened just yesterday. I was supposed to be at my destination at 9 o' clock. At about 8:30 after a conversation with a friend on - line I suddenly had an inspiration from the Gods for a poem. After an hour of figuring how They wanted it, I wrote it down and posted it, and finally left at 10: 10. Now you might think well why not just make a mental note and do it later ? Unfortunately when the Gods give me these mental, instant " Sparks " they do not last. They are like smoke that dissipates as it rises, and if I do not write them down as soon as possible, like smoke they disappear. The Gods have been " Sparking " me a lot lately !
I almost feel like that old farmer in the original Blob movie. You know the one with Steve McQueen. The old guy finds a meteorite and pokes at it with a stick. The blob crawls up the stick and attaches to his hand, and slowly covers his whole body. That is how I feel sometimes. It is not a bad thing for me, or something that suffocates me, but I do feel the weight of its burden.
In a world in which we all claim to be free, we are in fact not free at all. We have the burden of responsibilities to our Gods, our country, our state, our communities, our folk, our loved ones and of course to ourselves. Freedom is an illusion that we have managed to fool ourselves into believing over the years. These " burdens " if you will are however " burdens of honor ", and should never weigh us down. They do in fact in most cases make us stronger, and better people in the long run.
I have no regrets really. Although the life I left behind 30 years ago was exciting, traveling, hiking, mtn. climbing, kayaking etc.... It does not compare to what the Gods have " burdened " me with in my later years. Yes, the thrill of reaching the top of a mountain, or shooting some rapids, was very exciting, but it only lasted a few minutes, or maybe a few hours. What the Gods have given me lasts 24 hours a day..... every day ! Yes ! The Gods have blessed me with a wonderful burden, and one that I will carry until the day I die !