Father' s day should be a happy day for my father and myself. However, two heart attacks and a stroke have left him wheelchair bound and unable to take care of himself. This morning I will go up to the nursing home where he has existed for the past four years and try my best to cheer up a man who was always extremely independent, but now can not even tie his own sneakers. The nursing home actually is a very nice one compared to some, but it is not his home.
I will also have to deal with the guilt of looking him in the eyes knowing I do not have the money or time to take care of him myself. In this world I have to work a full time job, so I have to let others care for him.
I also regret all the things we could have done together, but did not find the time to do. I was always out with friends, or girls, dating, hiking, kayaking, or traveling. There always seemed to be an excuse not to spend time together.
There are happy memories of course ! When I was younger my dad had a camper and we would go to Niagara Falls, or the Blue Ridge Mountains, or the Pocono' s and spend time together as a family. These were good times. But there could have been more. There should have been more !
So today I will move past the regrets that I have and create a new memory with my father on his day. But I give fair warning to all who read this, make your memories today, there may not be a tommorrow ! Love and honor your father as much as you can, because someday even that will not seem to be enough !
Go with Odin' s wisdom, Freyja' s love and Thor' s protection !